An Ode to Dalton

Ouch! I don't know about you, but I'm still a little sore from the spanking OU dished to TU this past Saturday. To put it in terms most Okies will understand, they whooped 'em good.

Can Coach Graham get the troops fired up for the Conference USA season ahead? A bludgeoning at the hands of OU could deflate the sails of the TU Express. The guess here is by the time they take the field against Sam Houston State, they will have put the embarrassing loss behind them.

In the words of a wise man known as Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."

We're shifting from an Oscar Award-winning movie to Road House. Let's call this my homage to Patrick Swayze. A couple of movie quotes show us the way.

"This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, 'Don't eat the big white mint.'" A respected sports writer in town continues to shill for the WNBA. Instead of allowing WNBA president Donna Orender to use you as a sock puppet, ask around. It is okay to check with the silent majority. In fact, researching works much better than guessing what the non-verbalizing majority wants and stating it as pseudo-fact.

"It's a good night. Nobody died." It's true, no one died in the recent MMA event in OKC. UFC Fight Night knocked one out of the park in Oklahoma City. There were plenty of winners and losers on the night--including our state.

"Nobody ever wins a fight." We have another huge fight card and this one is coming to Tulsa. Strikeforce brings a night of fights to the SpiritBank Event Center this Friday. Local fighters and MMA standouts should make it a night to remember. Visit strikeforce.com for more details.

"My way... or the highway."

Cox cable channel 3 broadcasts two high school games a week. Not only do they mix up the teams but it is also a chance for Tulsans to catch a glimpse of high schools across the state.

"Yo, Steve! You're history." Dalton was a gem wasn't he? I wanted to name my boy Dalton because of this movie. As is the case with most things in life, my wife vetoed me.

The Tulsa Drillers garage sale takes place Saturday, September 26 from 8am until 2pm at old Drillers Stadium.

Stadium seats will not be available for purchase, but these items will be: stadium picnic tables, folding chairs, televisions, stadium signs, team jackets, batting helmets and cracked bats. Find a Sammy Sosa corked bat and I'll start the bidding war.

"Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don't belong." You know what doesn't compute in Tulsa? The Picker.

Thanks to OU's bye week, he or she has two weeks to pull another slight of hand trick on the readers he insults on a weekly basis. He or she is currently in his or her parent's basement figuring out how to toe the line of OU versus Miami without making a pick yet claiming victory the following week.

John Kerry waffled less during his presidential campaign. Stevie Wonder hits the bull's-eye more than his or her picks. Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell's beef is more legit than his or her feud with the local sports talk guys. The Internet developed a single word to describe his or her persona: FAIL.

"That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that." I've got nothing of local interests here. Just wanted to plug that line. Moving right along.

"How long are you gonna be in town?"

"Not very long."

"That's what I said 25 years ago."

My eyes widened when I caught a preseason NHL score online the other day. Is it hockey season already? The Tulsa Oilers deserve our love and affection. And honestly, I think we give it to them.

The Oilers play in a viable league. They did not attempt to renegotiate their lease with the BOK Center. The front office and players mingle with the fans and inject themselves into our community when they can. Seriously, what's not to like? Check out tulsaoilers.com for ticket packages for the upcoming season. Let's keep them here for another 25 years.

"All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice."

Take a second and re-read the above quote. Go ahead, I'll wait right here.

You can apply these three simple rules to any situation in life. Here are a few examples.

Someone cuts you off on 169. 1) Never underestimate the other driver. They might be mental with a .45 under the seat. 2) Take it outside... the car. No need to cause a massive 23-car pileup to prove your point. 3) Be nice.

Here is another one. You check out and the price is ringing up higher than listed. 1) Never underestimate the clerk behind the counter. You may get the discount you had hoped for originally. 2) If you decide to punch the smarmy CSM in the face, do it outside. Less chance of being arrested. 3) Actually, do this. Be nice.

"A polar bear fell on me."

Seemed like a good way to end.