The Heart of the Matter

Nature and nurture. We're a product of both, though sociologists will debate how much of either might influence us more. Regardless, by the time we begin thinking about our persona, it is fairly developed. Experiences continue to shape the direction we take in life, but who we really are, the core of our existence, essentially remains the same. Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, perceptions, philosophies are essentially the same -- only the situations have changed.

And so, how much control do we have over our conduct? Are we responsible for our actions? Can we change bad habits? Can we create good ones? And who is to say what is good and what is bad?

It's a struggle that current civilization is going through at the moment. The doctrinaire would have you go one way, the libertines another--one religion says this, one religion says that, one culture okays this, another okays that. And so who is right--or rather, whom do you follow?

How do we learn how to get along with each other, let alone thrive and build a better world.

These are some of the questions I had going into my interview with Clifton Taulbert, a man whose name is familiar to many in leadership capacities around Tulsa, but whose reputation as an author, a thinker and visionary is international. He has defined and popularized a methodology for building community with the raw talents "habits of the heart" inside all of us.

I came away convinced that we can indeed choose how we treat others, how we talk, how educated we want to be, what kinds of jobs we want to have, what kinds of relationships we want. What isn't predetermined for us is how we will take the people we are and make them better.

Taulbert is an author, speaker and visionary. He is best known locally for his bestselling Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored, The Last Train North and Watching Our Crops Come In, a trilogy of novels based on his life and experiences growing up in the Mississippi Delta.

Outside Tulsa, Taulbert's reputation and celebrity are based on his book, Eight Habits of the Heart an enlightening little book that has had great impact in changing the way many companies and schools in the U.S. and around the world develop leadership, embrace diversity and handle interpersonal relationships within their organizations.

How he came to realize these eight habits, however, goes back to his childhood growing up in the Mississippi delta of the South and how he was able to take who he is, where he was raised and the lessons he learned and share them with an entire nation.

Serendipity

"To be quite honest, the idea of Eight Habits of the Heart really was an incredible happenstance, or you could call it a divine intervention," said Taulbert who came to Tulsa initially as a student at Oral Roberts University.

He had been invited by the graduating class of the North Shore Country Day School in Winnetka, Chicago, in 1995 to give the graduation commencement address.

The class had read Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored and wanted Taulbert to speak to them as they left high school and entered the next phase of their adult lives.

"In trying to decide what to give these young men and women, who were all the children of very wealthy people, highly educated, I knew didn't have to encourage them to go to college; they were going to do that anyway.

"So I decided to give them what had been given me, and what had been given me was not wealth or even access to college, but attitudes and a different way to look at myself in the company of others," said Taulbert.

He called his original address the "Eight Gifts," and they were things he had learned growing up in the Delta: nurturing attitude, dependability and responsibility, friendship, brotherhood, high expectations, courage and hope.

After that, Taulbert said, he didn't expect he would ever think of the Eight Gifts again. But three months later, he was asked to address a group of international educators in Frankfurt, Germany, but he didn't have time to craft another speech.

He adjusted the Eight Gifts speech to accommodate this group of adults and began calling it "Eight Habits of the Heart," a phrase borrowed from nineteenth century French author Alexis de Tocqueville.

"From there, it became history," said Taulbert. "It was in Frankfurt that I was approached by the Department of Defense to work with their educators and develop this concept into a community building model for the American schools in Europe, Asia, etc."

In 1997, Taulbert wrote the book Eight Habits of the Heart, and it was named USA Today's "Year-End Book," the number one book to enrich lives and minds.

What Taulbert didn't know, he said, was that former Williams Companies CEO Keith Bailey had read the book and was passing it around the country to his peers.

The human resources and training departments of Williams, through Bailey's insistence, contacted Taulbert to see whether or not he had translated that into a corporate module.

"So I can honestly say that it was through the efforts of Keith Bailey and Williams Company that the Eight Habits of the Heart really became a corporate model and since that time has been introduced to major corporations," said Taulbert.

Positive Thinking, Doing

"I think growing up in the Mississippi Delta in the time that I did was, as Charles Dickens said, the best of times and the worst of times," said Taulbert. "It was the best of times because I grew up around a group of unselfish people, for the most part, who taught me the value of living your life beyond your own front porch.

"And I think that has probably impacted most of what I do. I do think about other people, and I care about the lives of other people, so when I write, when I talk, when I do workshops and lectures, it all seems to stem around the notion that leaders can be better, that management can achieve more, that when we recognize and fully embrace the people with whom we share our lives, that it can make a tremendous difference. And I think I learned that in the Delta."

What is interesting about Taulbert's life and the lives of so many who grew up in the segregated South, within walls and laws that should have prevented them from being successful, is that they are not bitter from having lived in limiting circumstances - in fact, he was encouraged by those around him that one day, things would be different and that the opportunities he sought would soon be available to him.

"Legal segregation separated us, and I can only speak for myself in this, but it may give someone insight -- everything in my life was segregated growing up, but it was segregated legally, so there was the notion that there was a law that existed that caused these relationships not to be, that you could not cross that law," Taulbert explained.

"So for many people like me, you sort of had this idea that once the law changed, the divide would no longer be there. That was our hope, and that was the dream a young man who rode the bus everyday to high school in Greenville, Mississippi, that eventually I could go to the high school behind my house, and there would be no difference, because it was simply a law that existed that separated us."

The people in Taulbert's life, the extended family who raised him, taught him, even though the laws of segregation were in place, to love and respect people, no matter who they were. And that is much of what you learn by reading the memoirs of his life.

"I think there was a resiliency, an unselfish vision, in the hearts of the African Americans, the older ones I encountered," said Taulbert. "They had this incredible dream for a one-America future and wanted their children to be ready to participate in that.

"And I think that because of that dream, they were able to not let, for the most part, legal segregation and all of its challenges come into our homes, sit at our table and go to sleep with us. They kept it at bay, because they looked for another future."

His books, Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored, The Last Train North and Watching Our Crops Come In, are not about his life, he says, but about the journey from legal segregation to an integrated America. Those books changed Taulbert's life and shed a light for non-African Americans into the everyday lives of African Americans living in the segregated South -- not by emphasizing the struggles between the races, but by "giving people an insight into the reality that life was being lived, real, legitimate life was being lived behind the wall of legal segregation." And those books almost never were.

A Will, A Way

Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored began as a collection of magazine articles written while Taulbert was serving time in the military, but he found it nearly impossible to get them published. What he ended up with was a brown box filled with stories that were very meaningful to him, but apparently not to others.

He never imagined he would write a book, he said, but in 1989 an editor from Council Oak Books, based here in Tulsa, read one of his stories and said to him, If all of your stories are like this, I think you might have the potential for a book.

Council Oak published 3,000 copies of the book, which they said would last Taulbert about five years. Within months, though, Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored had sold out and gone back to press.

"And then I had the opportunity to be on the Phil Donahue show, the Oprah of our time, I went to New York totally unknown. Thirty minutes later, I was known all over the world. That book had totally changed my life," said Taulbert.

In 1995, the book was made into a highly acclaimed movie, and Taulbert said that still, when he sees the film, has a hard time believing it is his life being acted out on the screen.

Rust Never Sleeps

Even though America is no longer legally segregated, the repercussions of that era still reverberate especially in certain parts of the country--certain pockets of Oklahoma in particular--and that we still deal with race, hate and prejudice every day.

And Taulbert says he still addresses these issues when he speaks and gives workshops and lectures.

"The shadows of life are very complicated, and color, unfortunately, still dictates within the race and outside of the race, and as a result, we continue to make strides but we still have not been able to really live beyond that divide in a holistic way, but we're trying to do so," said Taulbert.

"I think anytime I do leadership workshops around the country, especially leadership that embraces a diverse workplace, you have to talk about these types of things so that you can move beyond them, in order to embrace the skills and perspectives of all so that you can really achieve the results that you want.

"The conversation may be different, but you can't really talk about leadership in America without this being part of the subject matter. Because it's such a part of the fabric of who we are," he said.

One has to wonder, judging from Taulbert's experiences, if there is more bitterness now about segregation than there was in the '60s, and Taulbert said, "I think today with communication, with technology, we are probably afforded more knowledge about the lack of change than maybe I would have encountered while growing up.

"And I think the fact that color still makes a difference, you have to deal with that. Even your questioning today is part of it. For the one who lives inside of the color, you have to try to think with two mindsets -- the mindset of a human being and the mindset of a human being who has this particular trait.

"And you answer accordingly, you think accordingly, but there's always this other thing that's saying this is ridiculous. We all share what is common to every human being. This division of people is absolutely ridiculous. And I think it has been ridiculous so long, that it can bring about the feelings of incredible frustration."

* * *

In 2006, Eight Habits of the Heart for Educators was published. Taulbert has been teaching educators for a number of years using the original Eight Habits of the Heart and gathering information specific to educators.

"I felt it was time to write a book that more specifically targeted the educator, that challenged the educator to look at how he or she could bring these habits into the school room, into their lives, into the lives of the students," said Taulbert.

Although the book was originally rejected by a number of publishers, since going to print, it has proven to be extremely successful.

Dr. Kay Walter, Executive Vice President for Academic Services at Valencia Community College in Florida has been implementing Taulbert's habits at Valencia.

She first became acquainted with Taulbert and his work a number of years ago at a conference, where Taulbert served as the keynote speaker. She took what she learned from Taulbert that day back to where she had been working in Kansas and began to implement his habits at a community college there.

"He teaches you that every person in your midst has value, a place in society and a voice in society," she said. "As educators (at a community college), it's important to remember that we serve people universities typically don't want to serve. You start to understand how really important the work you do is."

Walter said it's easy to forget, in the midst of the everyday hectic, how important the work of educators really is, how important it is to the community at large. When Walter first heard him speak, she said she was somewhat taken aback by the simplicity of his message, and, at the same time, its profoundness. When she first began implementing his words in Kansas and then in Florida, she said she noticed a change almost immediately.

"People showed each other more respect, listened more intently to one another," she said.

"Anybody who can work with Taulbert is really lucky. His work is really important, and if you get a chance to spend some time in a workshop with him, you'll really understand how important his work is.

"Sometimes we forget how important we are to one anther, and he calls you back to that."

An Evening of the Heart

Just in time for Valentine's Day, a special gift

By Holly Wall

Though Tulsa is his home, Clifton Taulbert's name is not the household word it should be. Those who live here rarely have the opportunity to hear him speak. In demand worldwide, he spends much of his time traveling, sharing the message of his Eight Habits of the Heart with schools, universities, corporations and governments all over the United States.

This Tuesday, Feb. 13, however, he'll make a rare local appearance to present his message to students and their families throughout the Tulsa metro area with a program entitled "An Evening of the Heart," at Holy Family Cathedral, 8th St. and Boulder Ave.

The program is free of charge and open to the public.

Taulbert will deliver an internationally acclaimed lecture outlining and defining 8 "habits" that are essential elements to building a cohesive community among a world of diversity.

Nancy Winn, Development Chair for Holy Family Cathedral School's Advisory Council and coordinator of the event, said she's a long-time fan of Taulbert's and has wanted to bring him to Holy Family School for more than three years.

She organized the event as an outreach of Holy Family School--part of the schools' commitment to education and community-building for more than 100 years.

The Cathedral School is the city's oldest elementary and middle school, having been founded in 1899 with the assistance of St. Katharine Drexel, a missionary/visionary nun who traveled throughout the southwest establishing schools and social service centers for the poor--primarily Native Americans and African Americans.

Though the lecture isn't geared specifically toward teachers or parents of children in school, Winn says, ultimately, the message is about children.

"No matter which habit we possess, it is the giving of the habit to children that will endure through them, and they will, hopefully, model it in their future lives," Winn said. "A community is more than just the parents, family and teachers. It is everyone who comes into contact and interacts with these children and shows them skills for use now or later."

She said she hopes, with Taulbert's lecture, the community as a whole will realize its responsibility to, not only their children, but all children in the community as well.

"If we all take time to do our part in the raising of these children, then the children will benefit from our examples and perhaps pick up where we left off in the future," said Winn.

She said the keys to living according to the Eight Habits are attitude and persistence, to practice at it just like you would anything else.

"There are habits that come naturally and some that I struggle with," Winn said. "I hope I am good at 'friendship,' 'hope' and 'dependability,' but I can struggle with 'dependability' when I become overwhelmed.

"For me, it's not so much that each of us models every behavior but that each of us tries to be great at one and work on the others."

"And perhaps you have to focus on someone other than yourself," she said. "I think we get caught up in the 'what about me' things instead of how we can help others. I have found that most of my problems start to work out when I make the effort to focus on others and not on myself."