Re-reading the Patriot Act

If you are looking for a Super Bowl XLII breakdown, you've come to the right place. If you're looking for fair, impartial and balanced coverage--not here. Not today.

The Patriots embody evil in sports. Everything about the franchise over the past decade reeks. The players and coaches rub competitors and fans the wrong way.

This team should run for president. They've done what no candidate will be able to do in the coming months--unite the nation. Granted, we are united with hatred to see their perfect record tarnished but nonetheless, we are united.

I love breaking down games by the numbers. Especially games of this magnitude. However, let's forgo the normal breakdown by units. Everyone interested in this game has read enough about the New York Giants pass rush versus the solid New England Patriots offensive line.

We'll break this puppy down in two sections. The reasons we want the Giants to win and the reasons the Patriots must lose.

Let's start with the reasons the Pats need to lose. In fact, I think it's an unwritten code for all sports writers to be negative when in doubt. There may even be a bylaw stating a certain percentage of writing must be pessimistic. 70/30 sounds about right.

Rewind to the year 2002. The New England Patriots marched into New Orleans as 14-point underdogs. The mighty St. Louis Rams were the unstoppable force. The nation appreciated the selflessness of the Pats running onto the field as a unit rather than individuals.

The U.S. was still in full patriotic mode just months after 9/11. I recall rumblings at the time the game was staged so the "Patriots" would prevail.

Fast-forward to 2008. New England has captured three out of the last six Vince Lombardi Trophys. Now, they are the 14-point favorite against a team from New York.

This version of the Patriots is riddled with outcasts, cheaters and unlikable characters.

Golden boy Tom Brady may be in an envious place but he is no hero, certainly not a role model. How could anyone sympathize with a guy who dumped his pregnant, Hollywood star-type girlfriend for a supermodel? He already has it all.

One of the disingenuous linebackers on the team quit when the going got tough in San Diego. Junior Seau "retired" from the Chargers organization only to later latch on with the Patriots for a Super ride.

Their mouthy defensive lineman, Dick Seymour, has been called the dirtiest player in the game. Good luck proving that one. He likely isn't even the dirtiest player on his team.

That'd be captain HGH, Rodney Harrison. Harrison has a long history of late hits, questionable tactics and piling on. He was suspended the first four games of this season for admitting to Human Growth Hormone usage in the past. Another classy Patriot indeed.

I haven't even mentioned "play-when-I-wanna-play" Randy Moss. He's a loser. Not on the field. He has more talent in his pimp-slap hand than most receivers. It's off the field where his problems fester. Suffice it to say if he didn't have millions in the bank, he'd probably be in jail.

Notice no mention of Spygate. You know why? Because it is overrated. It is also a terrible moniker for what transpired. If you are an NFL team and you are not trying to gain a competitive advantage then you deserve to be fined. Coach Bill Belichick on the other hand is a cocky, egomaniacal . . . winner. Damn him.

On a more positive note, the Giants could end all of this madness. Sixty minutes. That's it. All we're asking for is 60 minutes of unbridled, passionate, mistake-free football from a capable NFC team.

First of all, I am not a closet New York Giants fan. They just happen to be the final hope. They are playing the role of Luke Skywalker. He wasn't the most powerful Jedi but he was the last chance to defeat the Evil Emperor.

The Giants played the Pats in the final game of the regular season. They were the 17th notch on the Pats bedpost. They played them to within a field goal.

The ingredients are there. Good line play, solid quarterbacking, layered rushing attack and they create turnovers. This has been the staple of their 3-game playoff run. It's also the recipe for victory against the Chowder heads.

Imagine the world the day after a New York "Football" Giants victory. The positives transcend the field of play.

We'll be introduced to more Manning's filling our commercial airwaves. Eli has gotten a bum rap for basically pulling a John Elway on the Chargers. In time, perhaps he'll be adored the same as Elway.

Tulsa loves football and who has a better connection to T-Town in this game than R.W. McQuarters? He attended Booker T. Washington before heading off to Oklahoma State for college.

The 10-year pro still has ball-hawking skills. He sure-handedly fields punts and locks down receivers with regularity. I remember when he was first drafted by the San Francisco 49ers.

The game is being played this Sunday February 3. It takes place in Arizona. Why is this important? Because the last time we watched Giants coach Tom Coughlin on the sidelines in Green Bay, it looked like he just had dinner with Hannibal Lecter.

The final and most important reason to pull for the Giants- who doesn't want to see Tiki Barber fake smile for the next 12 months? You realize this team gelled once he and his me-first attitude left the building.

Imagine the awkwardness in the studio next year when he congratulates his former teammates for the SB victory. He'll be saying congrats but he'll be thinking he was the reason they fell apart in previous years.

I hate to end on a negative note so I'll throw this tidbit in. I'm stoked about the halftime entertainment this year. Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers! How appropriate.

Yeah dude! Final prediction? 86-0 Geeee-Men!