Are Twinkies Aphrodisiacs?

Alcohol brings out the best in some. Others-not so much. It can be a serum that elicits anger, sadness, or honesty. This particular evening it would be honesty. Brutal, unabashed honesty. The kind that makes one think, hmmmm . . . that was more information than I needed.

I learned the direction the evening was heading early on, so I was eased into it instead of having it suddenly dropped into my lap. I prefer it that way.

Because I like to laugh, was invited, and am looking for opportunities to enjoy and get to know my new home in Tulsa, I decided to tag along with some friends to one of Tulsa's comedy clubs, The Loony Bin. I think the most important lesson I learned from the evening was that jokes about awkward sexual encounters are funny, but when members, moderately unattractive members, of the audience make the jokes a reality, it takes a little piece of the humor with it. You could call it a "humor burglar."

I've heard that spicy food can be an aphrodisiac, but prior to this evening, I had never thought anyone considered Twinkies to be sexy. That's right; the snack with a longer half-life than human beings is sexy. But I was wrong. Very wrong.

Based on the joke and the crowd's reaction to that joke, Twinkies are a delicious addition to, I'm guesstimating here, about 50 to 60 percent of our peers' after-hours-routines. I guess there's nothing really wrong with it, right? Right? Finally Twinkies can take their rightful position next to lingerie and Marvin Gaye.

I'm also guessing that if the comedian would have omitted the Twinkie joke from his act and/or the crowd wasn't drinking as heavily (see The Lobotomy below) this information would not have presented itself, but again that's just a guess. I assume it could have come up just as easily at an opera, ballet, or board meeting.

"Alvin, can you read the minutes from the last meeting?"

"Gladly, Mona."

"We started with a roll call.

What are the chances--now that this information has been revealed to the masses--that our televisions will shortly be home to explicit Twinkie commercials? Will water coolers around the nation be abuzz about the blonde and redhead naughtily struggling over a "golden sponge cake with creamy filling?"

Romantic evenings of expensive wine, caviar and cheese will be replaced with evenings of Twinkies, Twinkies and more Twinkies? Will the top 10 list of popular gifts for lovers in 2009 now include, in addition to chocolate and flowers, a new addition: Kansas City's Interstate Bakery's "lover's three pack" of regular, chocolate, and super sensual cherry Twinkie?

Unfortunately, the stuffed animal's 58-year reign in the top 10 will come to an end. All because a comedian in Tulsa lightly suggested the seductive power of the Twinkie. It's strange how trends can catch like a wildfire.

The More the Dare-ier

People love comedy. I love comedy. I have always thought comedians are observant, intelligent and brave people. I admire them and the perspective they offer. Anyone who can admit to oddities in personal or societal behavior in front of a large group and have those people positively relate to that odd behavior is someone I view favorably. It never hurts to step back and laugh at ourselves for a change.

With that said, I can't say that I particularly enjoy Twinkies or find them arousing, but I can relate to the slightly ridiculous point the comedian was trying to make. He did an excellent job and did it in a way all of us in attendance thoroughly enjoyed. Laughing until you are physically pained is one of the better experiences in life. Being someone who can produce such a response is special. Knowing that Tulsa has such a place for these types of experiences and people is comforting.

If for some reason laughing until you feel you need an appendectomy isn't your cup of tea, maybe you could setup and then push over hundreds of dominoes? It's a little less funny, but no less entertaining. Who am I to judge?

For those of you who do enjoy laughing, I'd say at $10 the evening was not only affordable, but also well worth the physical discomfort produced by intense laughter. I suggest taking friends, buying a couple of drinks and waiting for something funny, potentially uncomfortable and refreshingly clever to present itself.

For those of you needing an extra kick towards hyper-honesty, the Loony Bin offers The Lobotomy, a beverage with more types of alcohol than I have cousins. The drink must, in some way mirror the cutting of nerve fibers. Awesome!

Luckily, no one in my party invested in such a procedure, although I did have a bit of a flash-forward- upon reading the menu--to one of my friends standing on a table some three hours later proclaiming, "Yeah, I was lippin' fobotomized earlier, dudes! And I'm all the better for it." That's not to say that other members of the audience didn't opt to be lobotomized, but I am too big a man to blame all of this honesty on a surgical-like drink the size of Andre the Giant's head.

For those of you not looking for a lobotomy, the Loony Bin serves milder alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and some non-Twinkie snack food is also available.

The Loony Bin should be checked out if you are a long-time Tulsan, a transient looking for something to fill a two hour void, or anything in between. You may wish to check the comedians rating prior to the show if, say, Twinkies aren't your thing.

Please send any praise about this article to ifarley@urbantulsa.com