Get ready to use your senses. Nothing utilizes all five better than the Tulsa State Fair. What does this have to do with sports? Everything.
You might think hearing is best served close to the big stage during lively has-been musical acts. However, listening to carnies beg for customers on the Midway trumps all.
Sight is self explanatory. See the world's smallest jackass. See the world's largest snake. See teenagers trip over cabling while trying to act cool in front of their friends.
Just know that inappropriate touching could land you in prison so be careful. Touching could also lead to your pocket being picked. Let's move on to everybody's favorites.
Smell and Taste. The two go hand-in-hand and on-a-stick. It is amazing how the smells always seem to be slightly more exhilarating than the actual taste.
It is like those commercials for fast food burgers. The patties look huge and fresh. The "fixings" are bright and ripe. Then you receive a smashed up ball of goop on a soggy bun. Ok, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.
Let's sport this Fair up. The easiest connection between the Fair and sports comes via the Budweiser Beer Garden. Last year, the Red River Rivalry game was front and center as Fair goers soaked in the beer, sun and atmosphere.
Since college football is the only game in town now (buh bye Talons), let's have a State Fair Acts Draft.
We will rank the acts according to their perceived athletic prowess and list their strengths and weaknesses.
U Can't Touch This
Are you serious? M.C. Hammer is set to rock the Oklahoma Stage on Oct. 7. Hammer would easily be the first overall pick in our imaginary, but real to me, sports related draft.
First of all, he has been around sports his entire life. His nickname came from baseball people who thought he resembled Hank Aaron.
Second of all, the rest of the field does not look very strong. Besides, his spin moves could equate to elusiveness on a football field. His jumping to and fro might translate well in an impromptu game of dodge ball.
The Usual Suspects were primed and ready to slide into the number two slot in the draft. The underappreciated movie's namesake was poised to shake the world. Then we looked at their picture. Oh well.
Mike Posner earns the second overall pick in the Fair Acts Draft. For starters, Posner looks kind of angry in his Wikipedia profile. Maybe his aggression can translate to epic battles with MC Hammer. It doesn't hurt that he has a hit single with Lil Wayne called "Bow Chicka Wow Wow."
Not many prospects to pick from now. The rest would be considered reaches by the experts.
We would be remiss is we did not touch on a couple of subjects making headlines these days in T-Town.
First is conference realignment. We have taken the approach of wake me when it is over. Seriously, who cares as long as football is being played? Do you have restless nights wondering if OU will play Texas or USC or both in five years?
Of course not. This is a prime example of 24/7 sports media news cycle. They have to fill columns and air time, so why not take random guesses and make ho-hum stories out to be larger than life theatrical events.
And what is with OU and OSU being attached at the hip. Apparently politicians are pressuring the universities into a lifelong partnership. Glad to see our elected officials concentrating on the important state issues.
Speaking of football, here is the official release from the Tulsa... errr... San Antonio Talons.
The Tulsa Talons franchise is relocating to San Antonio and will begin play in March of 2012 as the San Antonio Talons.
This was an extremely difficult decision for the Talons' owners, but after much deliberation it was concluded relocating the team was the best option from a business perspective.
The Talons' owners, players and staff would like to thank all of our season ticket holders for their unwavering support the last 12 seasons. Without their dedication, there would not have been an arena football team in Tulsa.
And scene. They went on to thank a few sponsors. Remember when the Talons owners laid the blueprint for other af2 franchises? Then they decided to be leaders in the relaunch of the AFL.
Tulsa showed the same support during the years but leadership wanted more. Better men have called that a disease. The disease of more.
We would wish the franchise success in their move, but we probably would not mean it.
Finally, the passing of former University of Tulsa linebacker, George Clinkscale, is sickening. The 24-year-old father died while taking part in a non-sanctioned boxing event at his GUTS church.
Let's take a moment and pay respects to Clinkscale, his family and friends.
Ok, I guess we can now resume finger pointing. There is so much blame to go around here. Every decision maker involved failed and now a life has been lost.
Negligence seems to sum up the entire fiasco. All parties involved are quick to place blame on someone else. I would caution this tactic as the truth will come out sooner or later.
RIP George Clinkscale.
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