POSTED ON JUNE 20, 2007:
Please Don't Wear That!
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should
Say no to crack!
Summer and spring are my absolute favorite seasons for fashion. Clothes are more fun in the summer--they're cuter, smaller and you get to wear less of them. Come summertime, the sun is out, if we ever get past all this rain, spirits are higher and so are hemlines. And with so many cute styles emerging, people want to look good and stay cool.
It seems designers are more inspired during the warm weather months, too. Colors are brighter, cuts are more interesting and trends seem to last longer. This season, skirts and shorts are back in, as are high-waisted babydoll tanks.
We've spent these last few columns advising you on how to dress for the season--what is in this season, how to pull off summer's sexiest styles and how to wear warm-weather makeup. Now it's time we addressed some of the don'ts. What shouldn't you wear this season? What shouldn't you wear ever?
Well, here are some tips. If you think I'm being a little too harsh, sorry. It really is for your own good. And if you think I'm being too obvious, well . . . step outside. Visit your local Wal-Mart. These "what not to wear" tips are based strictly on observation. While it seems you really shouldn't have to tell a 30-year-old not to wear a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, apparently, you do.
So, here are some other fashion don'ts.
Don't be scared. Fashion is fun. Play with it. Try something new. Don't worry about breaking the rules and don't worry what other people will think. That said...
Don't let your thong (or, just as bad, your butt) hang out of your jeans. You're not Beyonce. Even if you are, just don't.
Don't do the denim miniskirt. Especially the one with the bleached-out thighs. Do the miniskirt, just not the same one you wore in middle school.
Ditch the skunky, stripey, multi-colored highlights and stick to a more au naturale look.
Don't overdo it on the makeup. During summer, less is definitely more, so keep it simple. Go slightly smoky on the eyes and barely there everywhere else.
And don't overpluck. Your eyebrows are there for a reason; if nothing else, because you look silly without them. Clean up the strays and the unibrow and leave everything else.
Don't buy into trends that aren't right for you. Just because they sell it in the store doesn't mean you should buy it. Stick to what looks good.
Don't try to wear every trend at once.
Don't wear anything with a brand logo or other lettering slapped across the ass.
And please stop wearing t-shirts advertising how cute you are or how much some other girl's boyfriend wishes he were with you. If it were true, you wouldn't have to wear it on your shirt.
Don't forget to accessorize.
Don't wear clothes that are too small or too big. It doesn't look good.
Don't wear scrunchies, platform flipflops, panty lines, shoulder pads or slouch socks.
Don't wear shorts so short that your bottom cheeks hang out the bottom. Unless you're a stripper. Even then, only wear them when you're wrapped around a pole.
Don't wear a white bra underneath anything black. We can see it through your shirt. Invest in a black bra.
Don't wear a black bra under anything white. We can see it even better under your shirt.
Don't wear a tiara. Ever. Even to prom.
Don't adjust your undergarments in public. Even if you think they aren't, people are watching. Find a restroom.
Don't match your belt, bag and shoes; coordinate instead.
Don't think you have to spend a ton of money on a new summer wardrobe. Spend a little on some new accessories. Or try mixing things you already own and creating entirely new outfits.
Don't wear your pajamas out. Or your house shoes.
Don't wear skirts that hit the floor. It's summertime. At least show a little ankle.
Don't be afraid to shop the sales rack. But, don't think you have to buy something just because it's on sale.
Don't drag your boyfriend shopping with you. It's not fun for him, and trust me, it won't be fun for you, either.
Don't wear dresses that hide your shape. Look for something with a waist.
Don't wear a dress that looks like lingerie. Slip dresses (and your grandmother's slips) are out.
Don't wear all black in the summer. This isn't a rule handed down from the fashion gods, but a personal pet peeve. It's hot outside. Dress in color.
Unless you're 10, don't wear anything with a cartoon character on it. I'm not kidding.
Don't mix metals. Wear either gold or silver. This rule can, of course, be broken, and should be. But if you're going to do it, do it intentionally and tastefully.
There's a debate on whether or not rubber flipflops are acceptable. High fashion experts say no. As Tim Gunn from Project Runway said, "They make perfectly stable women waddle." I still leave the house in my black rubber flops, but I absolutely draw the line at anything lime green, orange, glittered or flowered.
While some rules are made to be broken, the majority of those above are absolute and by no means open to negotiations.
Fashion is about dressing your age, having fun and expressing yourself. So I hope you do. Just don't do it in Scooby Doo pajama bottoms.
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