POSTED ON DECEMBER 29, 2010:
Love Letters/Hate Mail
Top ten predictions for 2011: 1. Meaty urologist Frank Mitchell and Julie Chin will mate and produce a cute little weather predicting Ewok. 2. Phil Stone will develop severe dementia but will briefly "come back" when Brent Douglas reads old Roy Mercer scripts to him. 3. Thousands of viewers will become excited by the return of Tales from the Crypt only to discover they're watching Carol Lambert.4. I have a prediction about Chuck Stickl but no one would care. 5. Mayor Bartlett's colleagues will secretly refer to him as "Doughy" behind his back. 6 Rush Limbaugh will reveal that in fact he is just a bad comedian taking phone calls from weirdo's and the Republicans have just been punkd. 7. Bret Thompson will say something funny. (By the law of averages it's bound to happen eventually). 8. Pastor Tom Harrison will finally broadcast something truly "perceptive" but everyone will have already changed the channel. 9. Jim Inhofe will continue to represent all his constituents in Christlahoma. 10. Dewey Bartlett will once again ride in the Christmas Holiday Parade of lights and be paid $7000 to cover expenses.
(In response to "The War on Christmas" in the Dec. 22-29 issue of Urban Tulsa Weekly)
I'm touched and relieved that Rall will still allow "individual and private displays of religiosity" in his New World Order. Thanks, RallGrinch! Would it be OK if we said a Griswald-esque prayer or two to The Great Spirit in his Heavenly Area Up There?
Rall is correct when he says the U.S. is a secular nation. Duh. I think we all get that. As to whether or not Christmas is a federal holiday - who cares? We (private industry at least) don't determine the days we work (or don't work) according to whether or not it's a federal holiday. For example, Columbus Day is a federal holiday. So is Martin Luther King Day. But most of us don't have those days off, and we don't really much care.
Perhaps the government is clinging to a tradition it doesn't quite have enough moxie (or votes) to dismantle. It's worked hard at disassociating itself from religion in every other way. Then again, maybe it's because government employees like paid holidays every bit as much as the rest of us. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Human Sacrifice Day .. who cares, it's a day off! And one has to look no further than the riots in Greece to know public sector employees can get pretty darn feisty if you try and take something away from them.
So as an homage to our Puritan heritage, hearkening back to a day when Christmas and Thanksgiving still meant something outside of the commercial aspect, perhaps we should keep those holidays around. A majority of us still mouth appreciative noises about Christmas, whether or not we profess Christianity or have ever (or ever will) darkened the door of a church. Thanksgiving has no direct correlation with Christianity; Pilgrims gave thanks to God Almighty, the Indians to the god (or gods) of the Harvest. I doubt the Indians and the Pilgrims wasted a lot of time quibbling over theology.
Our government is supposedly about doing the will of the people, and if the majority of us still likes Christmas, I think it should remain a government holiday. If you're an atheist, or advocate of another faith, no problem. We certainly won't complain if you want to stay late at the office Thanksgiving Day, or work through Christmas. We won't create any special holidays for you, but we'll happily hold the door open if you want to leave for another country that will.
The Ten Liberal Demandments: 1. Thou shall make no laws that persecutes the rights of the poor. 2. Thou shall provide for the welfare of children, old, disabled and unemployed. 3. Thou shall not elevate the power of the rich over the poor. 4. All jobs shall be kept here for American workers. 5. All workers must be given respect and justice. 6. All workers must be given livable and honorable wages. 7. No Americans shall be denied healthcare when they are sick. 8. No Americans shall be denied legal rights when accused. 9. No parties or corporations shall have any power over our people. 10. We liberals have been sanctioned to protect all people by God from religions, tyrants, warmongers, slavers, Churls and ignorant greedy bullies void of love and logic to rule and oppress God's children in accordance with the KJV Bible of Isaiah 32:5-8 and James 1:27 in order to create a more perfect union as provided in the United States Constitution.
Tulsa's Middle East
(In response to "Pregame Strategy" in the Dec. 22-29 issue of Urban Tulsa Weekly)
"The State Chamber and business leaders are worried sick about the state's image after the Sharia fiasco, among others, fearing it is making it more difficult to attract new business -- and jobs -- to the state."
Seriously? The "fiasco" was a state question that requested it be put into law that we won't be influenced by international or Sharia (Islamic) Law. So what is the State Chamber worried about, exactly? Tulsa won't be able to entice Al Qaeda to come set up a bomb-making factory? That Al Jazeera will nix plans for a new TV station in OKC? That the French will object vociferously to open carry and refuse to send us their best wines?
Hamilton's main concern is Oklahoma is just getting way too conservative for his tastes. He's worried about the image we're presenting to people of other cultures 10,000 miles away, of which about 99.999% don't give a rip what goes on in Oklahoma. Seems like his priorities are whacked.
If you like, Arnold, I'll try to wrangle you a visa and work permit to Yemen. Sharia law is alive and well there, and no one has guns except the terrorists.
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