POSTED ON MARCH 9, 2011:
Which local sports personality is most likely to have a Sheen-ian outburst?
Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. And we're good. It has become increasingly apparent over the past few weeks the media must force a Charlie Sheen "Winning!" joke into their shtick.
A website earned massive hits featuring "Who said this: Charlie Sheen or Muammar Gaddafi?" This just proves people like a good pole and they love a train wreck.
This Sheen episode is only rivaled by the initial weeks following Tiger Woods Thanksgiving car crash. This is much better. Sheen's Braggadocios Debauchery > Tiger's Closed Mouth Freefall.
Is it possible a news story such as the Sheen saga can climax and jump the shark in the same week?
Cayden McFarland is one of my favorites in the local sports realm. He infuses enthusiasm into the KJRH-TV Channel 2 broadcasts when given the opportunity. Last week he led the evening sports segment with a "Winning" quip. Too much Sheen I thought.
Then I realized, if you cannot beat them, join them. So in honor of Sheen Month, let's rank our local sports personalities in order of "most likely" to "least likely" to say something Sheen-ian.
The University of Tulsa Head Coach Doug Wojcik has not won a Conference USA title in his tenure, but he wins the "most likely to spew a Sheenism" award.
This is no knock on Wojo. He finally put together an athletic team. They have a legit shot at capturing the C-USA postseason tournament and hence an automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament.
He can be heard almost weekly on 1430-AM The Buzz in the afternoon. Last week he fired a few verbal blasts (well deserved and in fun I might add) at the host Chris Plank. It made for excellent radio.
It also pointed out the obvious. The man is tired of defending his players, his game plan and the program's progression. I could absolutely see him blowing up at a postgame presser berating our softish media. Here is hoping he goes "Tiger's Blood" on EB or someone else.
Sheen 10, Wojo 1, Plank 0.
The next candidate is McFarland's Master Jedi Al Jerkens. He once took a step toward a rowdy fan outside Gaylord Memorial Stadium on live TV.
Aside from being the big man on KJRH-TV's campus, he hosts an afternoon radio show. If you have heard him, you know he is capable of mentally crippling an uninformed caller.
"Big Al, what makes you the authority on Major League Baseball?" -- Sooner Bob.
"Because I have Adonis DNA!" -- Big Al.
"That makes no sense Big Al. Are we supposed...," Sooner Bob before getting cut off.
"Winning -- duh!" -- Big Al.
Sheen 10, Big Al 1, Sooner Bob 0.
Sheen Scene. TU Head Coach Doug Wojcik has not won a Conference USA title in his tenure, but he wins the “most likely to spew a Sheenism” award. This is no knock on Wojo. He finally put together an athletic team and can be heard almost weekly on 1430-AM The Buzz in the afternoon. Last week he fired a few verbal blasts at the host Chris Plank. It made for excellent radio.
Next up we have a tie between Andrea Collins and Caitlin Hoagland. One directors and the other choreographs the Tulsa Talons Cheerleaders.
Chances are these are two wonderful ladies who are fantastic to work for. However, I've seen Bring It On too many times. I prefer to envision them yelling at their squad.
On their perspective roles with the organization: "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books."
How phenomenal would that pep talk be for the cheer squad?
Sheen 10, Collins 1, Hoagland 1, Cheerleaders 0.
Speaking of the Talons, did you realize the Arena Football League kicks its second season off next week? When Head Coach Mitch Allner gets interviewed before his first home game by the Urban Tulsa Weekly, I hope he talks about his team in these terms.
"They're the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do." Of course he will be referring to his upcoming season unlike Charlie who used the quote to discuss his porn star girlfriends.
The Talons first game is a roadie against Georgia on March 13. They return home on March 28 for a battle against the Arizona Rattlers. We'll cover them in full prior to the BOK Center kickoff. Visit tulsatalons.com for schedule, ticket and winning information.
The least likely entity to go Sheen on anyone would be anyone affiliated with the Tulsa Oilers. Hockey players are a different breed. The next outlandish statement made by a hockey player will be the first.
Head Coach Bruce Ramsey sets the example. Veteran players like Marty Standish show the youthful group the right way. Tulsa, we are skating closer and closer to our first playoff berth in years.
The guess here is T-Town will reward the organization with near capacity crowds. Visit tulsaoilers.com for the remainder of the regular season schedule.
In closing, do not forget about the NCAA Tulsa tournament bracket. The website (ncaa.com/mbbtickets) still shows all-session tickets available.
If Tulsa makes a poor showing, every media member, every University of Tulsa athletic department member and NCAA committee member might go Sheen on us.
I could see a conference room with a bunch of suits shouting outlandish claims at one another.
"I told you Tulsa couldn't handle the tournament!" -- NCAA fat cat.
"We advertised for two solid weeks, I have no idea why the public didn't bail us out!" -- Director of Athletics Bubba Cunningham.
"This tournament makes us kind of a big deal!" -- daily paper scribe.
"We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view." -- Well, you know.
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