POSTED ON MAY 11, 2011:
THE ADVICE GODDESS
Family Ties. Nightingale Theater, 1416 E. 4th St., has hosted some heart-pounding, teeth-chattering, pant-wetting, over-the-top
productions in the past and the latest work will most likely evoke the same response. Blood Relations follows the life and times of the
unbalanced Warren as he confronts his father who left him at birth.
Emotions run wild and the outcome is uncertain at best. Tune in
May 12-14 and 19-21 at 8pm. Visit nightingaletheater.org for more information.
Ropin' and wranglin' Green Country cowboys climb onboard some wild buckin' bulls at the 53rd Annual Rooster Days Rodeo at the Broken Arrow Round-Up Club Arena, Hwy. 51 and Oneta Rd. Bring the little buckaroos out for some calf-roping and steer-wrestling fun May 13-14 beginning at 8pm. After the riding comes to an end, the live music and boot scootin' begins. Visit brokenarrowruc.com for more information.
Live and Learn. The trial of an era comes to the Henthorne Performing Arts Center, 4825 S. Quaker. Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde brings to life the public spectacle that helped to make the controversial poet infamous. Intolerant of The Importance of Being Earnest and The Picture of Dorian Gray, British society in the late 1800s attempted to crucify Wilde for his art. See the drama unfold May 13-14, 20-22 & 24. Call 918-746-5065 for more information.
Pedaling Man. With skyrocketing gas prices, alternative modes of transportation are becoming increasingly
popular in Green Country. INCOG has partnered with other local organizations to teach Tulsa the benefits and essential know-hows of bike riding. Stop by Tom's Bicycles, 1506 E. 15th St., to "Gear Up," learn basic bike maintenance and prepare for the two-wheeled trek to work. Training Wheels: A Workshop Series for Bike Newbies has three remaining classes in the month of May. Contact email@example.com for more information.
Homerun Hound. Gather the crew, bring the glove and settle in at ONEOK Field, 201 N. Elgin, to watch the Tulsa Drillers take on the Northwest Arkansas Naturals at 7pm. Let the kids have their fill of $1 dog Monday and grab yourself a cold brew for a cool spring evening in the
ballpark. Friendly four-legged friends are even invited to join in America's favorite pastime and watch the game with their baseball loving owners. Visit
minorleaguebaseball.com for more information.
Tricks of the Trade. The stage is set and the
audience awaits the arrival of Tulsa's next performing phenomenon. The time has come to release all that bottled up talent and take the stage at the
Gypsy Coffee House, 303 N. Cincinnati, for open mic night. Beginning at 8pm, young and old will grab the microphone and show just what they're made of. Poets,
songwriters and comics alike should arrive early for sign-ups. Call
918-295-2181 for more information.
Floating Through. The vibrant colors of a distant canal spring to life in Frank Duchamp's Floating with Monet. Joseph Gierek Fine Art, 1512 E. 15th St., has the Oklahoma artist's exhibition, Heartland Homage, on display through June 4. His work with paint, needles and a blank pallet creates scenes that seem to rise off the canvas and pull onlookers into the tranquility of the scene. Visit gierek.com for more information.
Street Lights. Take a gander at the bustling art tents, listen to local tunes as they resound through downtown, groove with the street dancers and watch the kids frolic in sheets of bubbles. Mayfest has
finally arrived and the streets of downtown will be aglow with life May 19-22. Take in all the wonder with a cold drink and delicious fair food in the heart of downtown. Visit
tulsamayfest.org for more information.
Will You Still Shove Me Tomorrow?
I'm in a relationship that feels like it could last, but I'm afraid of ending up like my parents: constantly bickering over minutiae, snarling at each other from other rooms, and slamming doors. The thing is, my boyfriend and I are already starting to fight over the stupidest stuff!
Before you know it, you're thinking, "What was it, a year ago, he was promising me the moon, and now he can't even bring home the right freaking pepper?!"
Being annoying is the human condition. But, the partner who will be most annoying is one you only find halfway hot -- somebody you have the hots for physically but whose character flaws and incompatibilities you ignore. You basically need to have a crush on a partner as a human being (have deep respect and even admiration for who he is and how he goes about life). Being human, he'll do things that would annoy a Buddhist monk who could relax for an afternoon in a tank of fire ants. If you have the hots for him all around, it's far less likely that the things you dream of doing to him in bed will involve strangling or blunt force trauma.
You should also make sure your partner isn't your second greatest love, after your love of being right. Approaching problems as "ours" rather than "mine vs. yours" takes what researcher John Gottman calls "deep friendship," where overwhelming positive feelings about each other and the relationship really suck the life out of any negative ones. The more relationship research I read, the more essential an overall positive sentiment seems. For example, researcher Shelly Gable found that the happiest relationships involve partners who make sacrifices for each other -- because they love and want to support their partner, and not as some sort of investment to avoid conflict or keep from losing them. So, in a good relationship, a guy goes to his girlfriend's poetry reading because it means a lot to her to have him there, and not because it means a lot to him to keep her from running off with some spoken-word slacker who doesn't wash between his toes.
Each time you snap at each other, you hack a little chunk out of your relationship. Before long, snapping becomes the culture of your relationship, and you become your snarly parents. It helps to make a pact that you won't act like you've forgotten you love each other. Of course, there will probably be times you slip and get nasty. What's important is not letting yourselves stay nasty. Not for a minute. Not even for 30 seconds.
If you do have "deep friendship," there's a good chance you'll vault yourselves out of the feel-bad situation with what Gottman calls "the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples" -- "the repair attempt." This is something you say or do, maybe even something silly like making a face you know will crack your partner up, that defuses the tension and keeps the argument from getting out of hand. This is essential, since Gottman has found that a couple's success in preventing negativity from escalating when they argue is one of the primary factors in whether a marriage lasts -- and not in the sense that your parents' has: "Please help us celebrate our 30 years -- of nonstop screaming, door slamming, and vicious putdowns. Dinner and character assassination, followed by dancing."
Regression Toward The Meanie
My girlfriend of three months seems to relish treating me like her narcissistic psycho ex-boyfriend treated her -- constantly pulling away and basically putting her on an emotional rollercoaster. She brings up her ex in almost every conversation, although I've asked her not to. I keep telling her mature love is about putting out what you wish to receive, and she agrees. Should I stay with her while she struggles to overcome her past?
"Mature love"? At best, that sounds like a porn mag put out by the AARP or some old man's pickup line: "Something tells me you aren't wearing any Depends." The last person who should be pontificating about "mature love" is a guy who thinks he can lecture somebody into providing it. Even better, your student is a woman who treats your relationship like the revenge phase of her last one. (Her narcissistic psycho ex is gone, but you'll do.) If you want a project, buy macaroni and glue. If you're really after "mature love," you need a woman who's capable of sharing it with you. This starts with recognizing that "mature love" doesn't only involve "putting out what you wish to receive" but putting out what you don't -- and then running inside and bolting the door so it can't get back in.
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Alkon is the author of "I See Rude People: One Woman's Battle to Beat Some Manners into Impolite Society."
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