Everybody knows football is serious business. When a Sooner fan nearly castrates a Longhorn fan in a bar brawl, we barely blink. When a knife fight between rival Big 12 fans ends with a couple of knuckleheads in the hospital, it is just a typical night in a San Antonio Applebee's.

So a couple of weeks ago when a reporter quizzed University of Tulsa head football coach who the best quarterback in the state of Oklahoma was, well, you can guess how it turned out.

Of course Bill Blankenship claimed G.J. Kinne the top passer. This forced OU and OSU fans to berate Kinne and Blankenship while championing the cause of Landry Jones and Brandon Weeden. At least no one was killed in the process.

Brandon Weeden.

As the last remaining unbiased media member in the state, allow me to settle the score. This will be a highly scientific poll using advanced metrics and intuitive statistical analysis. Also a lot of bullshit. Without further ado, here we go. Awarded points will be tallied at the end for the correct answer to the question, Who is the state's best quarterback?

Touchdowns: We will start with a basic stat even Homer chimps can follow. In 2010, our state quarterbacks accounted for 39, 38 and 34 touchdowns. Jones 3, Kinne 2, Weeden 1.

School: Kinne is majoring in business. This is a standard degree that can be used in multiple ways (much like Kinne on the field). Weeden is majoring in business management. Maybe he will manage Kinne in business one day. Jones' profile lists something called "multidisciplinary studies major." Sounds like a stoner move. Weeden 3, Kinne 2, Jones 0.

Clutch: This is the most important ranking for a quarterback. For instance, Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger are considered clutch. They come through for their teams in the fourth quarter when it counts.

Kinne's 4th quarter stats are impressive. In 2010, he had a 68.6 percent completion percentage with 8 TDs, 0 ints and a 194.4 QB rating.

Weeden's 4th quarter stats are comparable. Last year he completed 69.4 percent of his passes with 7 TDs and only 1 int. His 155.9 quarterback rating was commendable.

Now we turn to Jones. The junior, by all accounts, was one of the best quarterbacks in the country a year ago. Meanwhile, his 4th quarter non-heroics included 57.3 percentage completions with only 4 TDs, 3 ints and a 125.3 quarterback rating. Kinne 5, Weeden 4, Jones 2.

Epic Facial Hair Potential: Jones 1, Weeden 0, Kinne 0.

Biggest Win: Again, we are only going back to 2010. All three quarterbacks deserve props for the following victories:

Kinne led the Golden Hurricanes into South Bend and upended Notre Dame. Jones assured Nebraska would leave the Big 12 with a loss to the Sooners on their mind. Weeden did what many thought was impossible. He won against Texas, in Texas. Kinne 3, Weeden 3, Jones 2.

Professional Career: It is unlikely Kinne will carve out a NFL career. Jones could make a roster, but unless he improves drastically, it will be in a backup role. Weeden is eligible for AARP and has already played professional baseball. Weeden 2, Jones 1, Kinne 0.

Punts: Weeden and Jones failed to register a punt in 2010. Kinne meanwhile excels in the underrated quickie pooch. He dropped four punts over unsuspecting safeties' heads last year. Kinne 1, Weeden 0, Jones 0.

Size: Kinne is listed as 6-2, 234. Weeden is listed as 6-4, 218. Jones is listed as 6-4, 229. Jones 3, Kinne 2, Weeden 1.

Game experience: For this one, we will look at their entire collegiate careers. Jones leads the way with 26 games played on his resume. Kinne is hot on his cleats with 25 games played. Weeden lags behind with 17. Jones 3, Kinne 2, Weeden 1.

Birthplace: Weeden hails from Edmond. Kinne is also from a state known for its high school football, Mesquite, Texas. Jones is from Artesia, NM. Sounds like a stoner city. Weeden 1, Kinne 1, Jones 0.

Yards Per Attempt: Weeden, thanks in large part to Justin Blackmon, averaged 8.37 yards per attempt in 2010. Kinne, with the least talented no. 1 receiver of the group finished with a 7.94 average. Jones brings up the rear with 7.65. The numbers do not lie. Weeden 3, Kinne 2, Jones 1.

Jersey Number: There is a reason athletes adorn a specific number throughout their career. It is usually to honor a player who inspired their play. It can also be in reverence to someone close to them. Either way, it tells a tale.

Weeden sports no. 3. Daryl "Mad Bomber" Lamonica is the most famous. Sadly, Jon Kitna is the best recent QB sporting a 3.

Kinne wears no. 4. Jim Harbaugh is probably a bit underrated historically, but he is overshadowed by (for now) retired future Hall of Fame inductee Brett Favre.

Jones' jersey reads no. 12. Terry Bradshaw won four Super Bowls, which is nice. Tom Brady may eclipse Bradshaw's titles while wearing the same number. Oh, by the way, you can add John Brodie, Randall Cunningham, Bob Griese, Jim Kelly, Joe Namath and Ken Stabler to the list of greats wearing no. 12. Jones 3, Kinne 2, Weeden 0.

(Calculating... carry the one... pulling off shoes to use toes...) And it is settled.

G.J. Kinne is the best quarterback in the state of Oklahoma. He totaled 22 points to edge both Jones and Weeden by three points. They tied for second with 19 a piece.

Glad we could work this out together.

The Golden Hurricane kicks off their season on September 9 against Oklahoma in Norman. The first home game is against Oklahoma State on September 17 at 9pm. Visit tulsahurricane.com for more information.