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"Hey Cara,
Your article gives the local persepective on a global sports competition, the Olympics, by shedding light on the lesser-know Paralympics. There is a lot of poetential here to tell a compelling story. But perhaps such a story is best told by the Paralympians themselves, the essential voice that you do not quote.
Unfortuantely you present only one voice: The voice of an able-bodied coach. (A solid journalism story should always contain at least three voices/sources. The Internet, although full of informative statistics, does not count as a voice.)
In your aticle, the coach is a spokesman for Paralympic athletes. And, yes, the article needs him. But he should not be the main voice. After all, he is not one of the athletes himself, which makes his voice much less important in the scheme of things. Just who is the story about, anyway?
Cara, don't forget to incorportate the people you're actually talking about -- in this case, the Paralympians themselves. Who are these people? Sure, you can pick them up and spin them around, you can report their names and where they're from, repeat the facts and figures to paint a pretty picture of their stories, their struggles and hard-won successess. But in the end, you need to actually talk to them, too. Just what do they have to say about all this "sweat and perseverance"?
JS"
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